Fake Poo....this usually brings to mind fake poop, you know the kind they sell in toy stores in the joke section. Fake looking dog poop that you use to trick people.
But as a Mom you learn a whole new meaning to "fake poo". The art of pretending to take a big ole poo, just to get a few blissful moments of peace and quite, and actually get off your feet and sit down.
Mommy has to go potty. Famous last words before the infamous "fake poo".
Speaking of "potty" don't you love when you are with a group of grown ups and still use the word potty, cause its fricken cool..mmm hmmm.
Someone else is finally home, you can now escape to the "potty" without having to rush, leave the door open and make things happen as if on hyper speed. Take a seat and aaaahhhhhhhh. Not from..well you know. But from the first few moments of your day alone, where no one is crying, pulling at you, asking you for something. A few moments where you can sit, close your eyes and rreeelllaaaxxxxx. Be warned...there is possible risk of falling asleep but what a glorious few minutes of sleep that is..until your leg goes numb.
Other activities you can accomplish while "fake poo-ing" are reading a article or two in a magazine. Checking out all the things you can't afford in a new catalog that came in the mail. Giving yourself a quick mani. Playing a round or two of words with friends. Updating your FB or Twitter on your phone, imagine if every time someone updated their FB or Twitter while sitting on their throne a little toilet icon pooped up next to the status.
A real pee can always turn into a fake poo. You sit down and it feels amazing, the quite lull of the overhead fan draws you into the serenity of this wonderful space called the "loo" to some folks. Be warned, husbands and kids are much more likely to barge in if they think that all that's going on in there is a #1. Last week Reina barged in on me, Mommy is going Poop Reina!!! But it doesn't even stink momma?? Thats cause mommies always smell good, its daddies that stink Reina. Oh ok momma.
Careful one too many fake poo's and the family will start to think your having some health problems.
So I leave you with happy thoughts, and hopes for many a great fake and real poos in your future. Muahahahahahahahahahaha.
If you're not a fan of poo humor, don't bothering commenting to tell me. I don't give a POO!!!
Arroohhhhaaaaaa
Friday, September 30, 2011
Aloha!
Whether I begged you to read, or you stumbled upon it by desperately searching for a booze filled Mai Tai recipe, Welcome!!
I'm Candace, a 30 year old (for 4 more days) momma of two adorable girls. Reina is 3 1/2 and baby Ellie 2 months old.
So all the "writing your first blog" tips say to do two things, introduce yourself, and say what you will be blogging about. So here goes.
Who am I?? HELL IF I KNOW!! i kid i kid.
1) I am a mom. Trying to survive this crazy ass ride of motherhood without going TOTALLY crazy, cause lets face it, all moms are to some degree a little bit on the crazy side. If we weren't why would we keep having kids?
2) I am a wife. I have a amazing husband who is a true partner in life. He treats me phenomenally well, is amazing with our girls, and finds my keys in my purse when I've lost them and already looked in my purse twice and bite his head off when he asked if I looked in my purse, of course i looked in my purse, do i look like a idiot.
Does this mean we don't have our "moments". Like last night when he was sound asleep snoring, happily asleep, while I lay awake staring at him with hate in my heart. How can he sleep so soundly and I awake at every noise. I gently nudge him to make him stop, and by gently i mean i kick him as hard as I can without leaving a mark....Nope we definitely have our moments, most which end up being pretty funny, and that most people in a relationship can relate to.
3) I am a lover. My husband would like to wish this statement meant something other than it does. What I mean is I LOVE my family and my friends with a passion. They are my world and being there for them, and sharing my life with them is a great joy in my life.
4) I am a woman who struggles with my weight/body image. A life long battle that I plan on kicking in the ass this year. Have I said that many a year in the past, you bet your ass I have!!
5) I am crafty. I love me a good craft :-) Scrap booking, sewing (just learning), decorating, card making, stuff like that. Just started making headbands and flower clips for little girls.
6) I am a photographer. Now does this mean I am a professional going out on gigs and making $$. In my dreams maybe. What it means to me is that I often see things through the eye of a lens. I see something and think, that would make a awesome photo. I love love love taking pictures of nature and people. One of my favorite photo subject are babies. Photographing babies has taught me about patience, lol.
7) I do feet. Again, not what you think. I am a licensed Manicure/Pedicurist. I worked in a high end salon a couple years back. I now have a little in home Spa I am looking to re-open and get back into the business.
8) I am a lover of a GOOD Mai Tai. Always on the hunt for a good Mai Tai. It is a drink that reminds of home. Growing up in Hawaii it is kinda the token drink. So when I moved away to the mainland I always ordered one as my omage to Hawaii. My dad also makes a mean Mai Tai so its a little reminder of him too. Who doesn't love booze and fruit juice...right? Well who doesn't love booze.
Ok..part two...if your still awake.
What will I be blogging about.
That's simple, read the above 8 items. I will be blogging about it all. Trying to put my humor in it when I can, keep it serious if its needs to be ( i am rarely that serious). I will post my adventures of being a newly SAHM. Post some crafty projects and how-to's. And I will keep you updated on my tireless search for the best Mai Tai out there, restaurant or home-made.
Please comment if you have any suggestions for me. A crafty project I can try, a new recipe, or a kick ass Mai Tai i need to have in my life.
So I leave you with high hopes that I will have as much fun writing this blog as I imagine I will, and that you will have just as much fun reading it!!
Best Mai Tai in my life so far.......the one my then 9 year old brother made me on the night of my wedding. WHAT????
Aloha
Whether I begged you to read, or you stumbled upon it by desperately searching for a booze filled Mai Tai recipe, Welcome!!
I'm Candace, a 30 year old (for 4 more days) momma of two adorable girls. Reina is 3 1/2 and baby Ellie 2 months old.
So all the "writing your first blog" tips say to do two things, introduce yourself, and say what you will be blogging about. So here goes.
Who am I?? HELL IF I KNOW!! i kid i kid.
1) I am a mom. Trying to survive this crazy ass ride of motherhood without going TOTALLY crazy, cause lets face it, all moms are to some degree a little bit on the crazy side. If we weren't why would we keep having kids?
2) I am a wife. I have a amazing husband who is a true partner in life. He treats me phenomenally well, is amazing with our girls, and finds my keys in my purse when I've lost them and already looked in my purse twice and bite his head off when he asked if I looked in my purse, of course i looked in my purse, do i look like a idiot.
Does this mean we don't have our "moments". Like last night when he was sound asleep snoring, happily asleep, while I lay awake staring at him with hate in my heart. How can he sleep so soundly and I awake at every noise. I gently nudge him to make him stop, and by gently i mean i kick him as hard as I can without leaving a mark....Nope we definitely have our moments, most which end up being pretty funny, and that most people in a relationship can relate to.
3) I am a lover. My husband would like to wish this statement meant something other than it does. What I mean is I LOVE my family and my friends with a passion. They are my world and being there for them, and sharing my life with them is a great joy in my life.
4) I am a woman who struggles with my weight/body image. A life long battle that I plan on kicking in the ass this year. Have I said that many a year in the past, you bet your ass I have!!
5) I am crafty. I love me a good craft :-) Scrap booking, sewing (just learning), decorating, card making, stuff like that. Just started making headbands and flower clips for little girls.
6) I am a photographer. Now does this mean I am a professional going out on gigs and making $$. In my dreams maybe. What it means to me is that I often see things through the eye of a lens. I see something and think, that would make a awesome photo. I love love love taking pictures of nature and people. One of my favorite photo subject are babies. Photographing babies has taught me about patience, lol.
7) I do feet. Again, not what you think. I am a licensed Manicure/Pedicurist. I worked in a high end salon a couple years back. I now have a little in home Spa I am looking to re-open and get back into the business.
8) I am a lover of a GOOD Mai Tai. Always on the hunt for a good Mai Tai. It is a drink that reminds of home. Growing up in Hawaii it is kinda the token drink. So when I moved away to the mainland I always ordered one as my omage to Hawaii. My dad also makes a mean Mai Tai so its a little reminder of him too. Who doesn't love booze and fruit juice...right? Well who doesn't love booze.
Ok..part two...if your still awake.
What will I be blogging about.
That's simple, read the above 8 items. I will be blogging about it all. Trying to put my humor in it when I can, keep it serious if its needs to be ( i am rarely that serious). I will post my adventures of being a newly SAHM. Post some crafty projects and how-to's. And I will keep you updated on my tireless search for the best Mai Tai out there, restaurant or home-made.
Please comment if you have any suggestions for me. A crafty project I can try, a new recipe, or a kick ass Mai Tai i need to have in my life.
So I leave you with high hopes that I will have as much fun writing this blog as I imagine I will, and that you will have just as much fun reading it!!
Best Mai Tai in my life so far.......the one my then 9 year old brother made me on the night of my wedding. WHAT????
Aloha
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